My Constant Struggle With Myself…

A picture that perfectly depicts my laziness but instead of staring camera lens, I usually stare at my phone’s screen with my fingers scrolling it. [Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash]

Every year, it is kind of a tradition to make some new year resolutions for oneself. Almost everybody does it. Even I do it. But a very rare breed of people can sustain them throughout the year. I feel a little bit guilty of myself to NOT be of the rare breed. If you are that rare breed, hats off to you!

Well, I’m not here to write a rant about my inability to sustain my new year resolutions but I am here to tell you about my inability to be focused and concentrated. I know that you will relate to me but I would have wished that you do not. And if you relate you can obviously clap on my post just to let me know that we are ‘same-same.’ 🤜🤛

Whenever I start to study or to do some work (which I know my future self would thank me for doing it now) I feel motivated and pumped because finally, I have decided to do it! I try my level best to concentrate on the stuff I am doing. After a few minutes concentrating becomes much easier but wait I am not a serial concentrator so just after some 6 minutes and 37 seconds later or something like that, I start to feel accomplished. For me, concentrating for more than five minutes is a big deal!

Now, that's where the trouble begins for me. After feeling accomplished, my procrastinator mind tells me to take a short break of five minutes. After all, five minutes of hard work requires five minutes of a short break, just kidding but that's what I do and I am ashamed of it.

Those five minutes turn into five hours. I feel guilty like five hundred times while those five hours but yet I am not back to work. Then comes the realisation that it’s dinner time, thankfully I don't have to worry about cooking it because my mom has taken all those cooking worries.

After dinner, I think that the day is already over. A few hours later, I am into a sound sleep with the guilt of not making the day productive and with the promise of utilising the next day. But that promise does not last long.

And my constant struggle with myself continues…

P.S. - I was supposed to complete this article by mid-Jan but because I procrastinated, it is being published in mid-Feb.